Hearing your spouse telling you that they want a divorce can be devastating. This is particularly true if you are still feeling committed to the relationship. When one spouse wants a divorce and the other doesn’t, it creates even more turmoil in an already strained marriage. There are things you can do if you are the partner who still wants to work at the relationship.
Typically people seek a divorce when they just aren’t getting emotional fulfillment from the marriage. This often happens if both parties are constantly bickering or arguing. When one spouse wants a divorce it’s important for the other spouse to not turn that into a fight as well. You can accomplish much more and you have a much better chance of saving the marriage if you listen to what your spouse is telling you without reacting too emotionally. Granted you will likely cry but you must try your best not to lash out and say hurtful things in anger. If you do, that will be the last memory your partner has of the relationship and that’s not the impression you want to leave them with.
Agreeing with the complaints your partner has regarding your behavior in the marriage can also benefit you in the long run. This will be difficult and it will likely mean you have to bite your tongue but it’s an important step towards reconciliation. When one spouse wants a divorce they may place most of the blame for the relationship trouble in the other spouse’s lap. If you take the position of absorbing that blame you are showing the other person that you respect their feelings and opinion. If you were to argue back every point they were making they would quickly become frustrated and that would ensure that they would be more determined to follow through with the divorce. Instead, be the bigger person and absorb their anger. Once they have had time to calm down they will realize how unreasonable they were being.
It’s also important, when one spouse wants a divorce that you abide by their wishes. If they are serious about the idea of a trial separation, be supportive. Tell them that you will do all you can to help including packing and helping with the actual move. If you’ve been begging your partner for a second chance up to this point, this will take them by surprise. They won’t be expecting this reaction from you and it will make them wonder what has changed. This alone can often be enough to make your spouse consider how difficult life would really be without you.
