Hearing your spouse telling you that they want a divorce can be devastating. This is particularly true if you are still feeling committed to the relationship. When one spouse wants a divorce and the other doesn’t, it creates even more turmoil in an already strained marriage. There are things you can do if you are the partner who still wants to work at the relationship.

Typically people seek a divorce when they just aren’t getting emotional fulfillment from the marriage. This often happens if both parties are constantly bickering or arguing. When one spouse wants a divorce it’s important for the other spouse to not turn that into a fight as well. You can accomplish much more and you have a much better chance of saving the marriage if you listen to what your spouse is telling you without reacting too emotionally. Granted you will likely cry but you must try your best not to lash out and say hurtful things in anger. If you do, that will be the last memory your partner has of the relationship and that’s not the impression you want to leave them with.

Agreeing with the complaints your partner has regarding your behavior in the marriage can also benefit you in the long run. This will be difficult and it will likely mean you have to bite your tongue but it’s an important step towards reconciliation. When one spouse wants a divorce they may place most of the blame for the relationship trouble in the other spouse’s lap. If you take the position of absorbing that blame you are showing the other person that you respect their feelings and opinion. If you were to argue back every point they were making they would quickly become frustrated and that would ensure that they would be more determined to follow through with the divorce. Instead, be the bigger person and absorb their anger. Once they have had time to calm down they will realize how unreasonable they were being.

It’s also important, when one spouse wants a divorce that you abide by their wishes. If they are serious about the idea of a trial separation, be supportive. Tell them that you will do all you can to help including packing and helping with the actual move. If you’ve been begging your partner for a second chance up to this point, this will take them by surprise. They won’t be expecting this reaction from you and it will make them wonder what has changed. This alone can often be enough to make your spouse consider how difficult life would really be without you.

You have just heard your spouse utter the words you have been dreading to hear – ‘I want a divorce’. Although you had an idea those words were coming that doesn’t make them any easier to hear. When you first saw trouble start to brew in your marriage relationship you should have acted to head it off, but you didn’t know what to do. But, take heart, it’s not too late to put into motion some special techniques to save your marriage.

When one spouse wants a divorce it is likely they are feeling unfulfilled in the relationship. This feeling in turn leads to complaining and fault finding. Because of the fault finding the other spouse feels they must defend their self and a big argument ensues. This leads to each of them claming up and the hurt feelings start to build up. When this pattern continues for some time one of the partners in the marriage feels they have had enough and states they want a divorce. When you look at the situation from this angle it seems like rather childish actions on the part of two adults. Yet this scenario is being played out countless times in countless marriages everyday.

How easily all this could be avoided if we just set aside our egos and pride. When your spouse is angry or complaining about something, stop and look at them. Realize how much you love them and that everyone becomes ill tempered and frustrated at times. Hold your tongue and don’t lash back. Turning a complaint or frustration into a big blowup sure won’t help keep harmony in the marriage.

By holding your tongue you are letting your mate get it off their chest and when they cool down they will see how foolish they were to hurt the one they love and apologize.

But, if things have gotten to the point that they want a divorce, use the same tactic and don’t argue or get emotional. Instead agree with them and offer a trial separation for both of you to think things over. You could even agree to help with their packing and move. This puts things in another perspective for your spouse, now they are wondering if you had this in mind all along and see you as stronger than they thought.