Choosing a lawyer is like choosing a doctor. You want to find someone who works well with your personality and legal needs. Just because someone is a good lawyer doesn’t mean he or she is the lawyer for you. When you’re looking for a divorce lawyer, keep these tips in mind:



1. Check out the lawyer’s personality.



If the attorney is too vehement or impatient, it might not bode well for you or do you too much good. A divorce is stressful; you’ll want a lawyer that stays calm so that he or she can help keep you calm. Additionally, you’ll want to find a lawyer who is willing to take the time to answer your questions and who understands what is important to you. For example, if the most important part of the divorce to you is getting a reasonable custody settlement, you’ll want to avoid the lawyer that keeps returning to financial settlements in your discussions.



2. Don’t underestimate the power of technology.



There are software programs that you can use yourself that can make divorce proceedings such as division of property and child support more efficient. Furthermore, sometimes it’s easier to keep in touch via email when you both are busy (as long as your lawyer isn’t opposed to phone calls and face-to-face meetings when you need more detailed explanations.)



3. You need someone who has the courage unfolded to tell you the straight truth.



Your lawyer should be willing to be honest with you as well as understand divorce laws. This honesty comes from his or her knowledge of the law and what the likely outcome will be. If your request will likely end up unfavorably to you, your lawyer should be honest. Likewise, you’ll be stressed during the divorce. Your lawyer is the one who should remind you what is important and what should and shouldn’t be pursued.



4. Your attorney must understand all of the complexness around divorcing.



Divorce is not just a legal issue. Many factors are included: kids, property settlement, finances, fiery emotions and the law – if you can think of it, it’s there inside the divorce. If your lawyer spends most of his or time talking about winning or losing the legal battle, he or she may have lost sight of everything else that is affecting you. Find someone who understands divorce support and will be able to help you keep all aspects of the divorce in perspective.



5. Find someone you can afford.



You need to be up front with your attorney if you are worried about paying his fees so that some equitable arrangement can be made. You might be able to change from an hourly fee to a flat rate program that clearly lays out what is involved.



Finding a lawyer is not as simple as calling the first person you find in the yellow pages. Don’t be afraid to call several divorce lawyers and go on to discuss with them your expectations and specific situation before you make your final decision. It’s also helpful to ask the people you know for recommendations.

We’ve been hearing one parenting tip to another. Each and every parenting tip may focus on one aspect of parenthood. A parenting tip may be about raising a toddler, a teen, a gifted child or a difficult child. There is however one other kind of child that should have parents that know a relevant parenting tip— the child of divorced parents. What parenting tip can divorced parents employ to make sure that their kids will be okay?



Protect Your Child First



A straightforward parenting tip is that your child should be your number one priority. This parenting tip implies that even before you decide to get a divorce, you should make sure that your children are safeguarded from parental conflict. Hearing you and your spouse quarrel or making kids feel an impending divorce even before you announce it may make them prone to negative or destructive feelings. Your children may even blame themselves for what is happening. Although your kids may have an idea of the conflict, it is better for them to hear a good explanation from you.



Communicate as a Family



A crucial parenting tip is for you to temporarily put aside your differences with your spouse and decide to come together as a family. It is a useful parenting tip to gather your children, explain to them honestly that you are getting a divorce. Tell them that the situation may be a little sad for all of you but that you are all still going to find a way to lead normal lives. At this point it is crucial for you to listen to your children and encourage them to relay what’s on their minds or ask their questions.



Be Supportive of Your Co-Parent



The most important parenting tip after the divorce is to openly support the idea of co-parenting. Regardless of who gets full custody, be certain that your ex also has equal time and responsibility for your children. Make your kids feel that it is perfectly okay to spend some time with the other parent. The parenting tip on co-parenthood may also mean that you may have to temporarily forget your conflict with your spouse and come together to talk about your children. Communicate with each other the needs and the changes which your kids are undergoing.



Continuously Monitor Your Kids



Even if one parent is far away, a suggested parenting tip is to device a way to both keep your eyes on your kids. Be sensitive to how your kids are behaving. It is a parenting tip to take note of indications that your kid is distressed with the current arrangements. Monitor school performance and peer activities. Continue communicating with your child even though he/she is apparently doing well in school.



Ask For Help When Necessary



If things are going out of hand, a practical parenting tip is to look for professional help. This parenting tip means that you may have to look for counseling options. It may be difficult for you to think about it but a trained counselor may be able to reach out to your child in ways that you may not be aware of. Counseling for you may be beneficial too. Getting in touch with support groups may also be a good idea.

Experience and academic studies have helped us identify the basic elements of a successful divorce. “Successful” means completing the process of emotional separation, reaching a new center of balance as a single person, maintaining the welfare of your children, and establishing healthy attitudes toward yourself, your ex-spouse, and your past marriage.


Absence of conflict is not part of the ideal divorce. A degree of anger and conflict is natural, useful, even constructive. It helps to break the bonds of attachment and old patterns of relationship; it makes you think and reflect; it makes you change. But excessive and destructive conflict requires special treatment. The discussion of severe conflict and how to deal with it is found in Divorce Solutions: How to Make Any Divorce Better.


Apart from peace of mind, growth and other human values, there are very practical advantages to struggling as hard as you can to make your divorce better. The closer you can get to the ideals discussed below, the better it will be for you and your family:


* You will ease tensions and conflict


* You will have a far greater chance for compliance with terms of agreements


* You will save thousands in legal costs


* If you have children, you will greatly improve co-parenting and cooperation


Elements of a successful divorce:


1. Mutuality. Lack of mutual sharing in the decision to divorce is a primary cause of conflict in the divorce and post-divorce periods. In an ideal divorce, the decision is arrived at together. This does not mean that one spouse may not be sadder or more distressed than the other, but that both come to accept divorce as the best thing under the circumstances. The spouses should be mutually active in negotiating terms and in co-parenting. The most stable settlements occur when both spouses take an active role in the negotiations, not simply leaving it to a lawyer. A good divorce is an actively mutual enterprise.


2. Attitude. Each spouse should end up with a balanced view of the other spouse and of the marriage experience. There should be a sense of emotional and spiritual closure. You should be free of any lingering feeling of blame, guilt or failure. You want to create increased self-understanding, the ability to form healthy new intimate relationships, and a sense of self-confidence.


3. Children. In an ideal divorce, injury to children is minimized, primarily through maintaining good co-parenting relations. Children can literally be destroyed by fighting between their parents, so it is very important that parents be able to work together for the well-being of their children. When not resolved, conflict can go on for years, even after the legal divorce is over. Children must be free of the feeling that loving one parent is a betrayal of the other. They must be free of the thought that they are the cause of the divorce.


4. Setting goals. Trying to create the ideal divorce is like any other ideal you try to achieve, like ideal health or achievement in some sport. Your goals are something you work toward, but you don’t want to beat yourself up every time you fall short. Just try your best. The closer you can get, the better and smoother your divorce will go, and the better your future will be.