Lack of Communication

One of the largest problems within a marriage is a lack of communication. Couples who are successfully and happily married converse throughout the day. While this communication doesn’t have to be a heartfelt, drawn-out conversation, it is vital to the marriage. By having this conversation, we are able to identify with our spouses. When this breaks down, whether it’s from hostility or the daily chores that come with life – we are no longer able to identify with our spouses in the way we need to.

Finances/Debt

This is another leading cause of divorce. Couples who have differences or problems when it comes to money are particularly vulnerable to divorce. When there is financial strain within a relationship, couples are stressed out, frustrated and may disagree on where the existing money goes. This is enough to break the bonds to a point where the marriage is ruined.

Infidelity

Whether infidelity occurs from sexual boredom or anger in a marriage, it is the most common reason for divorce. Often, even if it is a mistake and the cheating spouse wants to work things out, the victim spouse is unable to get over the hurt they have felt. Trying to keep things spicy in the relationship can really help prevent infidelity.

Abuse

Abuse is another common cause of divorce. Whether that abuse is physical, emotional or verbal – it happens more than we would probably like to think. Of course, if a person is abusive at all to his or her spouse, the spouse should leave right away. If anger or hostility is a problem, professional help may help salvage the marriage.

Instincts

Quite possibly the scariest reason of all is pure instinct. Humans biologically prefer to stay with one mate for around seven years before pairing up with another. In this case, couples may become distant, bored or uninterested in their spouses. Keeping things interesting, exciting and fun can help with this issue.

Knowing the top 5 reasons for divorce can really help you prevent these things from happening in your marriage. As you work to nurture your marriage and keep it healthy, keep these top 5 reasons in mind. When you actively work to prevent these problems, you will have a healthier, happier marriage. ]]> http://freedivorceconsultation.2send.me/divorce-help-top-5-reasons-couples-get-divorced/feed/ 0 http://freedivorceconsultation.2send.me/dating-advice-for-divorced-moms/ http://freedivorceconsultation.2send.me/dating-advice-for-divorced-moms/#comments Sat, 07 Nov 2009 19:55:58 +0000 Divorce Lawyer http://freedivorceconsultation.2send.me/dating-advice-for-divorced-moms/ Dating Tips For Divorced Moms

The following dating tips for divorced moms discusses how to handle some of the common issues that often come up when dating after divorce.  Let’s face it, as a single mom, dating with children after divorce can be challenging.  Not only do you have to worry about how to arrange everything, you also have to deal with how your children will react to the fact that you are dating.  Below you will find some suggestions on how to ease their anxiety.



Love in 30 days

main feelings.



First, children hold a fantasy that their parents will be reunited so they do not want their other parent replaced Second, children fear losing your love and attention and believe they will become less important.



These strong feelings are seldom expressed openly. Therefore it becomes critical to be prepared and act in a way that helps them adjust to your dating and share their feelings. Here are seven ways to help ease their concerns and anxiety.



1.  Give your children reassurance that they are loved and your relationship with them will not change



A child who feels secure is less likely to feel frightened. Now is the time to set aside special time with each child, even if it is only 15 minutes a day. Quality time tells the child you are paying attention and they are important. This time if for them, do not burden your children with adult issues, or adult feelings. Do not use them as surrogate partners, friends, or little therapist.



2.  Allow your children to express all of their feelings about your dating, positive or negative



Listen and show concern, and do not be reactive by yelling, judging or criticizing. They can better adjust to the situation if they feel their needs and sensitivities are being recognized. Helping them to express their anger or frustration without doing damage is the goal. Once they are allowed to express their feelings they are more likely not to act out inappropriately.



3.  Avoid introducing your children to your casual dating relationships



Children can get attached easily and suffer more loss. Introducing a series of casual dates to your children will only cause them more anxiety and ambivalence. Immediately following a divorce or break-up it is wise to limit your dating or be discreet to avoid confusing and burdening your children.



4.  When it is time to make introductions, do not force children to accept your date



Go slowly. Talk to your children ahead of time as to how you expect them to behave. It is important always to teach your children to respect others and to be kind. They do not have to like someone to be respectful.



5.  Be mindful of your sexual morals, and remember you are always a role model



Children do what you do more than what you say. Keep in mind that teens are struggling with their own emerging sexuality and have trouble dealing with a parent’s sexuality. These are individual choices made according to your children’s needs.



6.  Do not let your date exert authority over your children



Your children will respond to you better than your significant other until there is sufficient time for integration into the family. Always set appropriate boundaries with your children, disciplining in front of your significant date is appropriate.



7.  Consider counseling to integrate families



Or if you have a significant partner that you are spending considerable time with. Blending families are challenging especially when children are carrying around unresolved grief associate with loss of a parent. Counseling gives everyone an opportunity to be seen and heard, and facilitates the adjustment phase of families coming together. Sooner than later is better.



Being single with children has it own set of challenges can be demanding and exhausting. And as a single parent you can be confused as to how to parent and date at the same time. Keep in mind that communication is always the goal. We want to let go of blaming, angry outburst, silence withdrawal or acting out, all of which can occur in families, either by you or your children. Being sensitive to one another, respectful of your needs as well as your children’s eeds is what will bring families together. Healthy talk is the way to get there.

If you have any questions feel free to ask us. Christmas and holiday day access is one of the biggest problems divorced dads face. The saddest thing are the number of calls we get at our offices from divorced dads for help to see their kids at Christmas.


It saddens me because I was one of those kids who did not see my dad during Christmas. My heart actually goes out to the kids. When you do not see your dad, you think you did something wrong as a kid. We all know that that is not the case. At Christmas time it even feels worse for the many kids who feel this way. My heart also goes out to these kids and their dads.


But here’s the problem the divorced dads face, they feel they are beaten before they even try. So many don’t bother trying. They are overcome with anguish and grief from missing their kids. For example, At least fully two-thirds of the fathers, grandmothers and grandparents that call us, not many of them have not really taken any action up to this point. That’s because they feel that it is totally hopeless and useless to do anything, because they have prejudged the outcome


Of course it is a difficult time. Here is the problem when you want to take action. What happens is the court system becomes a bottleneck and becomes even slower than it normally is, which is already slow, it is at a snail pace. It just makes the stress even worse that you are trying to rush things through and it is just not happening.


That’s why a lot of the people who called in to us are exasperated, frustrated because they don’t have a strategy or answers.


Many are very sad and angry with good reason: After they’ve spent tons and tons of money going through the legal system, they have still have not gotten to the solution that they are looking for, they are exasperated and do not really know what else to do. And now it’s Christmas.


Because these divorced dads are having a difficult time emotionally: They are not getting any kind of support from the system; they are not getting any kind of help from their lawyer that is effective, and as a result they are almost like lost souls. They just do not know what to do.


Most often, they have no strategy and that is huge part of the problem. With any problem in life, if you can sit down and try to actually map out a plan, that is always the best way of proceeding. It is not always easy to do because we are talking about our families here. It is hard to remove emotion, but helps to have a clear head and look at it strictly from a strategic point of view.


Another part of the problem is that most of the people who had called in have been provoked beyond reason, And that they are having a very, very difficult time too, especially when they are suffering all of the above symptoms of discrimination in Family Court.


So what’s the solution?


Coaching and solution focused mentoring that points a divorced dads in the right direction: Finding a father who has been successful in solving this particular problem is crucial, because then he can show what has already worked in his situation.


The important point is this exasperation won’t solve your problems, nor will frustration, nor anger. The # 1 thing successful divorced dads have in common is an open mind and a creative spirit. When there is seemingly no way possible, you must make a way


Like their children when they want something badly they never take NO for an answer. Neither should a divorced dad, no matter the obstacles or challenges. That’s the best present a divorced dad can give their child their can-do spirit the one that overcomes all odds.


That’s a gift a child can take with them all the days of their life.

Typically, when you’re sad, you may cry a lot and you may not feel like doing much for a little while. This is quite normal behavior for someone who has just gotten a divorce. However, depression can go much deeper and affect you differently. Depression can cause insomnia or the unbearable exhaustion. You may not want to get out of bed at all, even if you’re not tired. It can feel as if you’re hiding from the world. You may not have an appetite at all and most sufferers experience an excruciating sense of loss.

Take a deeper look at your symptoms to determine whether you are suffering from sadness or real depression. Many people who are depressed entertain thoughts of suicide and if you have experienced this at all, it’s time to get help. When you are depressed, you are unable to think clearly. Similar to being under the influence of a drug, you may make decisions or do things that you would normally never do. Finding help is of the utmost importance.

It’s perfectly normal to feel sad after a divorce. In fact, it’s part of the natural healing process after going through a stressful, traumatic event. However, depression is not normal and may require treatment with medication, therapy or something else. If, after a few weeks or months, you don’t start to feel better and more optimistic about your life and the future, you may be suffering from depression. Here are some helpful tips:

Visit friends. Simply talking to someone may be enough to pull you out of your sadness.

Take a class. Whether you learn about art, crafts or something else, you will gain new confidence and focusing on something other than the divorce is very helpful.

Start a new diet and exercise program. Becoming healthier after your divorce will help you with self esteem issues and confidence. Focusing on yourself is very important.

When you focus on yourself and take time to pamper yourself and learn new things, you can prevent your sadness from turning into depression. If you think that you are depressed at all, get help immediately so you can take back control of your life and feel better. ]]> http://freedivorceconsultation.2send.me/depressed-or-just-sad-tips-for-the-recently-divorced/feed/ 0 http://freedivorceconsultation.2send.me/how-to-help-divorced-persons/ http://freedivorceconsultation.2send.me/how-to-help-divorced-persons/#comments Fri, 06 Nov 2009 22:50:27 +0000 Divorce Lawyer http://freedivorceconsultation.2send.me/how-to-help-divorced-persons/

Divorce is devastating to those involved. For every divorcing person, the future is nothing but uncertainty, anxiety and confusion. Such an emotional state is harmful. It is necessary for family and friend to work together to offer positive survival support. However, many person do not know how to offer help, even worse, their offers seem to be more of a hindrance than a help. Below are some tips on helping persons going through a divorce.



Listen to their emotional needs. Before offering help, you should first know how they feel after divorce. If they need someone to chat, they will tell you. If they are unwilling to tell, do not force them. It may go a long way emotionally for those divorced. When needed, you can listen quietly to their emotional need, and then offer your support.



Help them restore self-esteem. Probably the most common destructive effect of any failed marriage is the loss of self-esteem and self-confidence. If one spouse walks out, for whatever reason, the abandoned partner can not help but feel terrible about him or herself. They may repeatedly ask themselves: what did I do wrong? What is wrong with me as a man or woman? Am I being singled out and punished for something I have done wrong? You can not stop them feeling bad about this terrible situation. However, you can help them separate the feeling bad about the divorce and feeling bad about themselves. You can assure them that they are still excellent and tell them there is nothing “wrong” with either person in a divorce. They were both just part of a bad situation that did not work.



Help the person to accept reality. Many people facing the possibility of a divorce doesn’t want to face certain realities. They are unwilling to accept the fact that a marriage is over. Facing any kind of failure is the last thing any of us wants to do. When you offer help, you must be very carefully not to impose on them. Somehow you have to figure out how to help the person prepare for some practical realities, such as moving, getting a different job, straightening out finances, not distancing good friends, etc., without discounting their natural denial as to the inevitable.



A divorce experience is highly likely to result in a person building a wall of disparity and self-protection to hide behind with a sense of hopelessness. It is natural for them to have self-defense reaction, but wall-building is not healthy or helpful. When offer support, you should make efforts to let them know there is hope for happiness and another happy marriage. This might be the perfect time to encourage the person to move, go back to school or change jobs to get some new scenery.



Listen to them, build self-esteem, don’t impose your realities, encourage hope and help the person to gradually move forward. Follow these five tips and you will be doing your best to help the divorcing person survive the potentially destructive aspects of the experience.



When you’ve been married for a while and then have gotten a divorce, it can be easy to feel a little ‘rusty’ when it comes to the dating thing. When you want to meet someone that you really like, you may have to do a little flirting to get her to notice you! If the thought of this makes you get that ‘clueless’ look on your face – no fear! Here are some really great flirting tips for divorced men.


Flattery Will Get You Everywhere –


Women love compliments, but believe it or not – there is a technique to it! The first and most important thing you want to remember is to always be honest when you’re giving compliments. Look for the things that stand out most about a woman – perhaps it’s her eyes or her lips or maybe she is very intelligent – whatever it is, use that as your compliment. Never, ever be dishonest when you’re giving a compliment because she will pick up on it right away. Women are perfectly aware of their flaws and positive traits – so beware!


Make Eye Contact and Listen When She’s Talking –


Another very great tip for flirting is to make eye contact with a woman while she is talking to you. Don’t look away and let your eyes wonder off. If she says something you find interesting, lean in a bit and keep eye focus. Also, ask follow-up questions so that she knows you’re really interested in what she has to say. This is a great way to get her attention and make her feel special! Women love to know that when they are speaking, a guy is actually listening to her, so remember this one!


Avoid Pick-Up Lines –


‘You’re so hot I would drink your bath water.’ Yuck! Whatever you do, avoid pick-up lines. They scream teenager or college boy and they are very unattractive for mature, confident women. If you want to approach a woman, simply walk up to her and say hello. One of the best pick-up lines on earth is a simple smile! Ask her if you can buy her a drink or if you can sit next to her. Mature women can pick up on flirting very easily and you might be surprised how many of them take the lead and you will not feel so uncomfortable!


Using these flirting tips for divorced men, you can meet some great women and have a fantastic time – without looking like a fool! Most of all, just be yourself and you will see how easy it is to get back into the ‘flirting’ state of mind. It’s more than just memory – you’ve got instinct on your side, so don’t worry too much!

KNOXVILLE — With the numerous public scandals and other news concerning politics and marital or sexual relationships over the years, you wouldn’t think that the divorce of a state’s major power couple would go unnoticed by the media for long. Yet it wasn’t until this past week that Tennessee Divorce law news sources got hold of the divorce of former state House Speaker Jimmy Naifeh — which happened back in July.

Knoxville News Sentinel political columnist Tom Humphrey broke the story in his blog on February 5. It seems Naifeh, 69, and lobbyist wife Betty Anderson ended their 13-year marriage quietly in a Tipton County court; although they did not make any formal public announcement of theDivorce law Tennessee Anderson expressed surprise at the lack of news coverage.

Naifeh, who entered Tennessee’s House of Representatives in 1974 and served as its Speaker from 1991 until last month, married Anderson in 1995. The marriage was controversial because Anderson’s work as a top legislative lobbyist made many people consider the union to be a conflict of interest. However, the couple insisted to the media that they went to great lengths to avoid such conflicts; Naifeh frequently took positions on issues that opposed his wife’s.

Both Anderson and Naifeh claim that the divorce was amicable. “Jimmy and I have always had a great mutual respect for one another,” Anderson told the News Sentinel, “and we always will. We’re still friends.”

Naifeh spoke to the same paper in a separate interview. “We used the same attorney, if that tells you anything,” he said when asked about the friendliness of the dissolution.

Jimmy Naifeh is a Democrat who represents Tipton and Heywood Counties in Tennessee. He has been succeeded by Republican Kent Williams as Speaker of the state’s House of Representatives.

If you haven’t dated since your divorce, you can feel a little overwhelmed at the thought of flirting with some man or trying to meet other single adults. The great thing is that most people do feel this way at one point or another, so you’re not alone. Luckily, there are some really great flirting tips for divorced women and this article is dedicated to just that! Without further ado:


Get Confident –


One of the most important things about dating after a divorce is confidence. It’s also one of the sexiest things women can possess. Men absolutely love it when a woman is comfortable in her own skin and is confident when she approaches him – or even when she doesn’t. If you’re not feeling particularly confident, think about all the things you find attractive about your looks and your personality.


Perhaps you have beautiful eyes or pride yourself on your toned body. You might have an amazing sense of humor or something else. Think about these things and write them down. Whenever you’re feeling a little low on confidence, read them and think about each wonderful thing about yourself. This will really help as a confidence booster.


Don’t Be Afraid to Approach Someone –


If you see an attractive, single man, don’t be afraid to approach him. Many times, men are more worried about how to approach you and they will spend all night thinking about it rather than just walking over. So, even if he thinks you’re hot and doesn’t walk over – it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to. Save him the trouble and go say hi. Smile at him and ask if he is alone and would he mind if you join him. Here comes the fear of rejection, right? You’ve been through DIVORCE. If a man tells you no – what can it possibly do to hurt you? His loss!


Laugh at His Jokes –


Men seem to think that there’s nothing greater than when a woman laughs at his jokes. Hopefully, he’s actually a funny guy and you don’t have to flash that pretend laugh at him, but give him the benefit of the doubt. He could be really nervous so laughing at his jokes will make him feel more at ease. Keep the conversation light and humorous at first – let him see your fun side. It’s as simple as being yourself and letting your own natural charm and personality shine through.


Appeal to His ‘Manly’ Side –


Men can’t admit to it, and some women feel offended by it – but it’s a male’s natural instinct to want to care for a woman. So, if he offers to purchase you something to eat or drink, take him up on it and thank him. It will make him feel great and hey – you just got a free drink, right? If the two of you are walking somewhere, put your hand on his arm and hold it as if he were your escort. This boosts up his ego, making him feel as if he is the only man that is on your mind. Men love this sort of junk! Appealing to his manly side is a great way to let him know that you’re interested.


By using these flirting tips for divorced women, you will find someone you really like in no time flat. Just remember to be yourself and to have fun. Retaining your sense of humor is one of the best things you can do at a time like this!

DISCLAIMER: The following is NOT legal advice, nor is it a substitute for legal advice. If you are in Family Court you will need legal advice, so please see a lawyer.


The worst Christmas that I ever had was watching Godfather III in a theater after handing over the kids at 4:00 p.m. to mom the first year that we were separated.


I thought to myself I have never had such a low moment in my life. I know she felt the same way the year that she handed them over to me at 4:00. So, we managed to do it year to year. It was not perfect. Ultimately, we had to get really, really creative. For example, we would celebrate Christmas early. I mean the kids love that! You need to be creative.


When we would say, “Oh well, it is December 23rd. Let us have Christmas today.” We just surprised them, just bring it on them, and we would have such an amazing time just simply because we did not get stuck in the idea that it had to be a certain way.


For those of you on the call, I mean I really do hope that you get to see your kids over the next few days, but if you do not, the presents that you have bought and if you have not bought any yet, be sure to even though you think you might not see your kids go and buy a present. Wrap it up. Get a nice card and put it away.


If you see little Johnny, I am just going to say Johnny from now on because it is sort of a basic name, if you see little Johnny in March, you know what? You can put your Santa hat on and you can say, “You know what, Johnny? I have been waiting for this since December 25th. Ho-ho-ho, it is Christmas.


Let’s go see what’s left under the tree.” You can have Christmas anytime. Your son or your daughter will be blown away that you never forgot them because they may have been told something else by mom. This is proof to them that you did buy them a gift and that you did not forget them. It is still sitting there waiting for them. Here it is, March, June, whatever month it is later on in the year, okay. So, I want to encourage you to do that.


In my experience, I had to learn to let go of the idea the it had to be perfect and I clung to the idea that I had to create happiness for the kids and myself and my mother instead even when she was giving me a very, very difficult time.


I struggled with that to the best of my ability. It never was perfect but we do have happy memories as a result more often than not. One of the things that I have come to realize over the years is now that we are empty nesters, our kids are 26 and 21. Life is not perfect. I raised a stepson and a daughter and they are making their own life in the world and we are going to have to begin the process of sharing them with their new partners and girlfriends and boyfriends and wives and husbands and someday they will be having their little kids and we will be grandparents.


And there is going to be other extended family members. We are not going to be spending every Christmas with them anyway. This is all part of the process of life is that you have got to learn very often how to let go in different stages. The thing that I found as both the child of divorce and as a divorced dad is that things do ultimately equalize.


Why? It is sort of like adopted kids. They want to know where they come from. They want to know who they are. They want to know everything about themselves and if you have not been involved for a significant amount of time, you will often find that your kid as they get older will want all that knowledge.


And that is a GREAT Christmas gift to give your kids the lack of pressure to be with you. Recently our daughter told us about Christmas at her Grandma’s, my ex-wife’s mother. Now Grandma is getting older, she’s not going to be here forever, and certainly I’ll be here longer than she will be. So I understand and appreciate why our daughter likes to spend Christmas with her.


But as in every family, sometimes it can be difficult for any number of reasons. Our daughter was upset over something someone in the family said about me, and it was not her mother who said it. In fact she defended me according to our daughter. And she shared that what went through her mind was that she had sacrificed Christmas Day with me to face this bit of unpleasantness.


Now the word sacrifice is significant.


That’s what happens to kids in these situations they have to sacrifice. That’s just not right. Which is why I make the sacrifice knowing full well how difficult it is for them, so I try to make it easier.


That way I make Christmas and Holiday Access Nightmares More Manageable for the kids through my example. It’s a gift that’s hard to give, but it is one with deep feeling and meaning, which I know will pay off huge benefits down the road, because I intend to be around for many, many more years to come!


If I put the kids into a pressurized, guilt ridden situation how would that make them feel about Christmas? Even sadder I imagine. It’s hard to be a kid in a divorced family this time of year. Do what you can to make it easier for your kids they will love and appreciate you in an entirely new way.