Children coping with divorce have difficulty because their perceptions of reality are forced to change. To understand their challenge, I have created a concept to help children and parents visualize the dilemma they face when confronted with these changes. It is called the “Lifeline;” that is, we live on a continuum which begins at birth and ends at death. Wherever we are at on the continuum, we tend to base our present beliefs and our future expectations on our past experience. Thus, we lead our daily lives needing the security of our past perceptions.

For children who are born into relatively healthy homes, life patterns are learned from their family and environment. They learn to anticipate tomorrow’s outcomes, based on today’s experience. The evidence from the past provides them with a picture of what will come next and makes them feel secure. When divorce occurs, they cannot incorporate the new information into their secure picture of the future. They feel at first as if they are floating aimlessly without an anchor.

Although there are healthy ways to tell children about divorce, children’s Lifelines are compromised as they receive this new information. Children’s past perception – that their mother and father loved each other – is called into question. Their assumptions that they will continue to live in their home with their parents, is altered. They feel like they have nothing left to base their now on. Thus parents need to help them regain their base and rebuild their Lifeline.

Following is a conversation you might have with children to help them cope:

1. Reconstruction of the Lifeline starts with a simple drawing. Draw a straight line ________ with an arrowhead on the left side > representing birth and an X on the right side representing death. Explain, “We don’t know how life will play out anymore than we know the end of a story in a book or movie. But generally we have a beginning,” you point to the arrow, “and an end,” point to the X.
2. Then draw a dot on the line, “Let’s say this is where you are on your Lifeline. You live everyday with an understanding of your world based on what you know about how things work in our family, at school, with friends, and in your activities.”
3. “When we told you that we were divorcing, you might have felt scared. You might have asked yourself, did mom and dad ever love each other? It could have made you question your past and feel that what you believed to be true just wasn’t true.” Then erase the line to the left of the dot. “It might have made you feel that your past wasn’t really true.”
4. “And I’ll bet that you also might have felt confused about the future. You have always lived with us in the same house and community. And you probably can’t imagine what it would feel like if it were different. So it feels like your future is unknown.” Then erase the future line. Add, “I understand that it might feel like everything has changed. The past doesn’t feel the same because you question what you thought. And the future doesn’t seem the same because we will have two homes and mom and dad won’t be married.”
5. Finally you can help your child redefine and redraw the past. “Yes, it is true that much has changed with the divorce. And sometimes when we have something big in our lives change it feels like everything is different. Let’s take a moment, however, to look at what stays the same.” Draw a staggered line – - – - – from birth to the present. “If we look at the past, we can be sure that mommy and daddy loved you. And we both loved each other for many years. We know that Grandma and Grandpa love you. Can we be sure about that?” A child might say, “Yes.” Then draw a little bit more of the lifeline. “We can also agree that you have many good friends at school and that you like many activities. We could agree that we’ve had good vacations too. We like our community and we live in a nice neighborhood where you have enjoyed playing and running around with friends. Am I correct so far?” Draw a bit more of the staggered line. “Okay, now you draw in more of the past and tell me about it?” As she tells facts about her life, she draws in more of the Lifeline. Although the line is never perfectly solid, she begins to visualize that even though her parents are divorcing, not everything is lost and she feels a bit more steady.
6. Now you help her redraw the future. Say, “If we were to look at what does not change in the past, then what do you think will carry over to the future?” She might say, “I’ll still have my sports.” And you say, “Yes, you will. So let’s draw some of that in.” And she continues to list those things that will remain the same. Some children will remain in their home and at their school. They will have the same friends and activities. These are anchors for children coping with divorce. As the child draws in more of the Lifeline from present to future, she gains stability. You might say, “It’s true that we cannot control or predict the future and this might make you feel uncomfortable. But we always have things that remain the same in the face of change and those things can make us feel safe and secure.”

Although some children need more in depth processing when faced with their parents’ divorce, many children respond well to the Lifeline framework. It gives parents and children a common language.

Child support contempt in Rhode Island (RI)

If a person violates a Rhode Island Family Court order by not paying child support, the parent with physical custody may file a motion to hold that person in contempt for failure to pay child support.  A person accused of not paying child support has a right to a hearing. The obligor parent has the right to proper notice under the Rhode Island Family Court Rules.

If the person owed child support (the parent with physical placement / custody) is on AFDC Benefits (welfare) than payment may be owed to the state of Rhode Island. In that event, the motion may be initiated by the State of Rhode Island, Child Support Enforcement rather than the father or mother with physical custody of the minor child.

A Child Support contempt proceeding could be part of a Rhode Island divorce, child custody, Complaint for separate Maintenance, dcyf petition, child visitation, paternity or other type of Family Court legal action. If there is a potential for incarceration and a person cannot afford a Rhode Island Family Law lawyer / attorney then the Family Court must insure that the person has an attorney representing him or her. The Judge usually has a list of Court Appointed attorneys who are paid for by the state. Otherwise, the Court will appoint  one of the lawyers from Rhode Island Legal Services to represent the person.

There is often an opportunity to settle the matter prior to any hearing in which a judge may find a person in willful contempt. A settlement typically may include any one of the following or a combination of the following or something different:  the obligor agreeing to remain current, paying a lump sum, a payment plan, staying current in addition to an arrearage order, etc.

In some situations, the parent with physical custody or Child Support enforcement is unwilling to settle the matter and insists on a hearing.

Technical contempt

If a person is found in technical contempt after a hearing, it means that the person has not complied with the child support order. However, the Court believes that the person had a legitimate reason or excuse for failure to pay, such as loss of job (being fired, laid off), decrease in income, disability, injured at work, unable to work, medical problems, or a myriad of other excuses or explanations. The judge also may not accept any of the above stated excuses as justification for failure to pay.

A person found to be in technical contempt will not be sentenced to the Adult Correctional Institution (aci) (jail)! However, the person may be ordered to find employment, raise a lump sum, stay current and / or make payments on the arrearage, pay attorneys fees, make certain lump sum payments, obtain a second job etc.

Most Judges have little patience for people who do not support their children. If the person has an excuse for nonpayment it better be a good one or they may find themselves in Jail. The amount of arrears and the person’s history for compliance or noncompliance is often crucial in a judge’s determination! If a person has a long history of  nonpayment then that person has a much higher likelihood to be held in willful contempt.

The more a person owes the more likelihood that the person will be held in willful contempt.

At a hearing the judge will look at all relevant supporting documentation that has been offered into evidence. The judge will almost always ask what the person can pay at that moment or whether they are able to immediately borrow money from friends or family. The Usual Dialogue is – “how much can you come up with to stay out of Jail and how quickly can you pay?” The RI Family Court judge may also be interested in whether a person has assets that he or she can sell.

If a person’s circumstances change then they need to file a motion to modify or suspend their child support rather then not make the payments! Child support does not automatically modify upon circumstances changing. If a modification is granted then the modification will be retroactive to the date of filing of the motion to modify not the date the circumstances actually changed. This does not mean that a person can unilaterally change their child support when they file a motion. It means that the child support will run retroactive after the Family Court issues an order modifying the child support. Therefore, if a person loses their job, becomes disabled, their hours are reduced or their pay decreases they must immediately file a motion to modify.

Child support can only be changed or modified if a motion is filed and an order enters. In many instances the judge’s response to a person’s plea to not hold them in contempt because they lost their job or their income decreased will be something like: “you should have filed a motion to modify or suspend child support when your circumstances changed rather than not pay.”

 
Willful contempt

A finding of willful contempt means that the judge believes that a person is thumbing their nose at the Court or has no reasonable justification for nonpayment. It could result from the judge not believing that the stated excuse for nonpayment is a justifiable excuse. A finding of willful contempt could also mean the following: 1) the person has the ability to pay and has not made payment 2) the person has not made proper efforts to find suitable employment 3) the person is able to work yet either isn’t working,  is underemployed or not making proper efforts to find employment.

The judge may believe that the contempt is willful because the person is lying, exaggerating his excuse or that the person is not acting in good faith.

If a person is found in willful contempt for not paying Rhode Island child support, the person could be sentenced to the aci from day to day. Contempt sanctions are  technically not criminal proceedings! However, since the sanctions could lead to jail time,  they are quasi criminal proceedings. Contempt proceedings are not  technically criminal because they are intended to compel compliance with child support orders rather then punish for nonpayment!

If a person is sentenced to the aci from day to day, then the judge of the Rhode Island Family court will usually state that upon payment of certain amount the person will be released from jail.  In child support contempt proceedings there is always a ticket out of jail by making a certain payment. A person could be held in willful contempt and not be sentenced to the aci.

Legal Notice per Rules of Professional Responsibility:

The Rhode Island Supreme Court licenses all lawyers in the general practice of law, but does not license or certify any lawyer as an expert or specialist in any field of practice.