This is a personal Letter.

If you’re faced with an impending divorce – I’ve been there.

As they say, “I’ve done that”.

And I empathise with you completely.

I don’t know where you are in the process right now.

• Perhaps it’s just crossing your mind.
• Perhaps your spouse has informed you of the desire for a divorce.
• Or, perhaps, you’re neck-deep in it right now.

Regardless, this article is here to help you cope, and learn from another’s experiences and mistakes.

But, because I’m a man, this is focused on Divorce Advice for MEN!

Let’s face it, the deck is stacked in favor of the women!

First, a couple of quick pieces of advice:

1. Get a Lawyer. Even if your separation is going amicably, you still need to invest in a high-quality lawyer to advise you! Perhaps you have furniture or an investment you inherited. These MAY not qualify to be considered as joint property, for example. A lawyer can advise you not only on your rights, but also the timelines involved for the filing, separation, and final divorce. Simply put, it varies dramatically from State to State, and during this time you don’t want to tackle it yourself.

2.Educate yourself! I found a terrific book that provided an amazing amount of information about techniques and strategies to protect your rights; unfortunately, I found it after I was already separated and had signed the agreement! This type of information is worth it’s weight in gold, and I highly recommend you arm yourself with the questions you don’t even know you have right now, and go to a Lawyer armed with the right thoughts and questions to ask!I’ve noted another page about the book in the author bio.

3. Don’t beat yourself up (emotionally). This is a rough time, and no-one can came through it unscathed or unchanged. You’re human, and it’s a FACT that the emotions we feel during a divorce are very similar (or stronger) than when dealing with the death of a loved one. (Again, personal experience). Allow yourself to cry and mourn, but recognize when you need to be strong – when standing up for your rights and those of your children!

It’s hard to recognize it when you’re going through it, but you’re not the only person to go through this.

Check out these interesting statistics:

• First Marriage: 45% to 50% marriages end in divorce
• Percentage of population that is divorced: 10% (up from 8% in 1990, 6% in 1980)
• The divorce rate in 2005 (per 1,000 people) was 3.6

You’re Not Alone!

Do a Bing search for “divorce support” in your area, or check out meetup.com for that term. You’ll find dozens of other people in the same situation on- and off-line willing to help support you.

Good Luck

Dating Tips For Divorced Moms

The following dating tips for divorced moms discusses how to handle some of the common issues that often come up when dating after divorce.  Let’s face it, as a single mom, dating with children after divorce can be challenging.  Not only do you have to worry about how to arrange everything, you also have to deal with how your children will react to the fact that you are dating.  Below you will find some suggestions on how to ease their anxiety.



Love in 30 days

main feelings.



First, children hold a fantasy that their parents will be reunited so they do not want their other parent replaced Second, children fear losing your love and attention and believe they will become less important.



These strong feelings are seldom expressed openly. Therefore it becomes critical to be prepared and act in a way that helps them adjust to your dating and share their feelings. Here are seven ways to help ease their concerns and anxiety.



1.  Give your children reassurance that they are loved and your relationship with them will not change



A child who feels secure is less likely to feel frightened. Now is the time to set aside special time with each child, even if it is only 15 minutes a day. Quality time tells the child you are paying attention and they are important. This time if for them, do not burden your children with adult issues, or adult feelings. Do not use them as surrogate partners, friends, or little therapist.



2.  Allow your children to express all of their feelings about your dating, positive or negative



Listen and show concern, and do not be reactive by yelling, judging or criticizing. They can better adjust to the situation if they feel their needs and sensitivities are being recognized. Helping them to express their anger or frustration without doing damage is the goal. Once they are allowed to express their feelings they are more likely not to act out inappropriately.



3.  Avoid introducing your children to your casual dating relationships



Children can get attached easily and suffer more loss. Introducing a series of casual dates to your children will only cause them more anxiety and ambivalence. Immediately following a divorce or break-up it is wise to limit your dating or be discreet to avoid confusing and burdening your children.



4.  When it is time to make introductions, do not force children to accept your date



Go slowly. Talk to your children ahead of time as to how you expect them to behave. It is important always to teach your children to respect others and to be kind. They do not have to like someone to be respectful.



5.  Be mindful of your sexual morals, and remember you are always a role model



Children do what you do more than what you say. Keep in mind that teens are struggling with their own emerging sexuality and have trouble dealing with a parent’s sexuality. These are individual choices made according to your children’s needs.



6.  Do not let your date exert authority over your children



Your children will respond to you better than your significant other until there is sufficient time for integration into the family. Always set appropriate boundaries with your children, disciplining in front of your significant date is appropriate.



7.  Consider counseling to integrate families



Or if you have a significant partner that you are spending considerable time with. Blending families are challenging especially when children are carrying around unresolved grief associate with loss of a parent. Counseling gives everyone an opportunity to be seen and heard, and facilitates the adjustment phase of families coming together. Sooner than later is better.



Being single with children has it own set of challenges can be demanding and exhausting. And as a single parent you can be confused as to how to parent and date at the same time. Keep in mind that communication is always the goal. We want to let go of blaming, angry outburst, silence withdrawal or acting out, all of which can occur in families, either by you or your children. Being sensitive to one another, respectful of your needs as well as your children’s eeds is what will bring families together. Healthy talk is the way to get there.