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Twelve Tips on How to Tell your Children About your Divorce

Divorce Lawyer — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 09:18:36 +0000

The process of separation and divorce can be very painful for you and for your whole family. Below, however, you can find some tips and details to make talking to your children about your decision to separate or divorce somewhat easier:

1. Choose an appropriate time and place for your conversation.

Choose a time and place that works for your children. The best location for most children and families is at home, where it is comfortable and private. A quiet environment is better – minimize distractions, turn off all phones (including your cell-phones), the television, and the computer. Put your children first. Make your time during and after the meeting flexible. It is much better for your children if you are available afterwards. This allows your children the opportunity to talk with you and to be with you, if they so desire.

2. Expect that when you disclose that you and your spouse plan to separate or to divorce, that it will be difficult for you.

Expect that, prior to and when you talk to your children, you will feel strong feelings such as: feeling apprehensive, feeling a sense of trepidation, and feeling uneasy and nervous. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. If you are able to, be kind to yourself and accept that it is normal and natural to feel these feelings. Give yourself permission to be “human” and real.

3. It is okay to express and show your feelings.

It is okay to express your true feelings in front of your children, as long as you are able to contain and own your feelings. Use your discretion and common sense. Know that your children may become frightened when witnessing your feelings, if they are strong and negative [e.g., anger or hostility]. Most children, though, can handle seeing your softer, underlying feelings – tears, sadness, hurt, and pain. For example, you may wish to start by saying something like, “…this is very hard and scary for me/us to talk about, and it probably is for you too…”

4. Be brief and sincere.

It is preferable to keep your talk [“speech”] brief, direct, and clear. Avoid long explanations. Know that most kids tend to tune-out when adults provide lengthy explanations and “speeches”.

5. Adjust your words to the age-appropriate level of your children.

Do your best to talk about your plan to separate or divorce in terms that your child can grasp and understand. In general, younger children comprehend concrete terms and examples better than the abstract ideas and words.

6. Allow your children the space, time, and opportunity to absorb what you say and to feel their feelings.

7. Remember that each child is unique.

Anticipate that you may receive different reactions from each child. Some children may initially feel shocked and surprised. Others may have sensed that this was coming for some time, and be less reactive.

8. Expect that your children may experience strong and intense reactions.

Some children keep their feelings more inside, and others tend to be more externally and verbally expressive. Most children will, however, react strongly with feelings ranging from outrage and anger, to discomfort and confusion.

9. Acknowledge and validate what your children are feeling and where they are at.

Refer to my articles on listening – “Nourish your Child with the Gift of Listening” series – for more detailed information on this topic.

10. Prepare for lots of questions and concerns from your children.

Answer as best and honestly as you can, and realize that sometimes the best answer you can give your child is an “I don’t know”.

11. Honor and respect your children’s individual needs.

Some children may wish to be with you; some children may wish to spend some time on their own; some children may cope better by being with their friends.

12. Expect and know that no matter what you say and do, that your child may feel and believe that they are responsible and to blame for your separation and divorce.

Realize, and this may be obvious, that this is the beginning of what will likely be an ongoing series of discussions with your children. This is the beginning of a process of adjusting and readjusting to your new family situation.

How Do you Go About Getting a Divorce in the Uk?

Divorce Lawyer — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:56:06 +0000

Getting a Divorce

There are two ways by which a person can handle his divorce:

DIY Divorce:

Do it yourself (DIY) divorce is one where there is no intrusion of lawyers. The formalities are taken care by the couple themselves. They fill up the requisite documents; submit these at the court, obtain the decrees and part their ways. This method is becoming increasingly accepted among the couples who have no difference of opinions regarding division of their properties and child custody. This method also helps them avoid huge fees charged by high street solicitors.

In case the couple needs any advice or suggestions regarding the process, there are number of online services functioning to meet their demands. Also they cost only a division of what solicitors charge.

Advices and comments are given to clients through e-mail. All that the clients need to do is visit the respective websites, make the payment, fill the forms and submit them. This method is comparatively inexpensive and involves very few visits to the court by the clients.

Administered Divorce:

In this method the entire process of divorce is handled by a lawyer. Lawyers are necessary in these cases because there might be disputes regarding children and division of property. With involvement of lot of money and desire for both the partners to stay with the children, the issue could bloat up to be a mess. In such cases, a lawyer is needed to guide the clients to reach an agreement. The only disadvantage in this method could be the hefty fee charged by the lawyers. Sometimes the lawyers charge on hourly basis which could end up as a massive sum of money.

The Actual Process:

The first step towards receiving a divorce in the U.K. would be filing your divorce petition. The form needs to be filled up with the reason for your divorce. A divorce cannot be obtained if you’re not married for a period of 1 year.

It is important to convince the court that your marriage is at its final stage based on the following grounds:

Infidelity by one of the partners

Unreasonable behaviour by one of the couple

Absconding for a minimum period of 24 months

Separation of two years if both the parties agree to divorce

Separation of five years even without the consent of one of the parties

After filling up the form with necessary details, it is to be filed at county court or Principal Registry of Family Division.

Significant Stage

The Citizens Advice Bureau could assist you in filling up any forms regarding your divorce. It would also assist you in getting a solicitor, if required in your case.

After the submission of form, the person applying for divorce would be called ‘the petitioner’ and their partner would be referred to as ‘the respondent’. You might have to provide the court with your marriage certificates and details of children.

The court would then send the petition to your spouse. Depending upon whether or not your spouse is contesting the divorce, the judge would proceed further with the formalities. After carefully settling all the issues regarding children and property, Decree Nisi is granted which is the penultimate stage of the divorce. Though most of the divorce cases proceed through post, sometimes you might be asked to attend the court.

‘Decree Absolute’, the final stage of divorce could be applied for after the period of six weeks and a day of granting “Decree Nisi”. In case you fail to complete this formality, your spouse is entitled to proceed with after a period of 3 months. Decree absolute would be granted by the judge only if he/she is convinced that all financial matters have been settled and arrangements for children have been made. Once Decree absolute is granted, it signifies that you’re no more related to your spouse in any way.

The Last Word

In case you have made up your mind to part ways amicably, online services provide the best way to obtain a stress-free divorce so that you can carry on with your life peacefully instead of wasting a fortune on legal counsel!

Telford Divorce Solicitor Urgently Warns About Risks Involving Cheap Do It Yourself Divorce!

Divorce Lawyer — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 08:25:07 +0000

Advice offered after Tesco Supermarket launched a divorce advice pack costing just £7. A Shropshire Solicitor cautions UK couples, who are considering opting for a cheap do-it-yourself divorce, that they could find it costs them greatly in the long-run.

Telford Divorce Solicitor, who heads the Family Law Team at Martin-Kaye Solicitors Shropshire advises that “Although on the face of it, the self-help divorce package seems like a cheap option, it could cost couples dearly in the future.”

”DIY divorces can work well for cases where there are no children or assets from the marriage involved, but they are generally not suitable for more complicated cases.”

Many divorcing couples do not realize that even when there has been a Decree Absolute, both partners still have the right to pursue financial claims arising from the marriage – and this process can continue until they get remarried or die.

”We are seeing increasing numbers of people who have dealt with their divorces themselves and who are now facing difficulties. They thought they had resolved their financial issues amicably with their spouse at the time of their separation, only to find themselves on the wrong end of a court application for financial support several years later.”

”These clients are horrified to learn that their former spouse can seek further financial relief, no matter what was previously agreed. And even worse, the Court will consider their financial situation as it stands at the time of the new application, when often their finances have significantly improved.”

With proper legal advice at the time of the separation, couples can ask for a Clean Break Order to be made alongside the divorce, to ensure they are protected.

”This ensures any agreement reached is recorded and takes away the power of the former spouse to pursue further claims, which means both partners can get on with their lives. Ultimately, people stand to lose a lot more if they are ordered to pay their former spouse financial relief, and that cheap DIY divorce could end up being very expensive indeed. Professional advice at the time of the separation is the best way forward, and will help protect both parties in the future.”

This article is free to republish provided this resource box remains intact.

10 Top Tips About Divorce Advice

Divorce Lawyer — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 00:17:53 +0000

You may want to get a property evaluator to help you determine the market value of your house before a divorce is filed. Knowing how much your house is worth can enable you to make intelligent decisions with your spouse as to who gets what. Don’t be ignorant about anything during a divorce. If you’re, you might end up getting your fingers badly burnt, whether you are the male or female.

There are several books on the market about divorce. You can learn how to cope with a divorce by reading the books available. You will be amazed at the amount of very valauble divorce advice you can get from the divorce books that are available.. You can get divorce advice online completely free from websites such as this.

The decision about who gets what in the course of a divorce is very monumental because it has negatively impacted the lives of many people who did not plan for it. If you and your soon-to-be-ex cannot arrive at an agreement about available assets, get a lawyer to mediate for you.

Divorce lawyers are growing fat thanks to all the money that they make off divorce cases. Divorce is becoming big business and more lawyers are opting for divorce law. As brutal as it sounds, divorce is a viable means of income for divorce lawyers these days. You have a choice to decide not to add to this source of income by ensuring you remain married or ensuring that you next marriage works!

The reality of being divorced can be like a cold slap on your face. It can be hard to live alone after living with someone for so long. If you don’t accept the reality of your divorce, you may find yourself living in the past for the rest of your life. And this is the wrong way to live because you will end up being more frustrated than how you were during the last stages of the divorce.

When you get divorced, you become free of duties and obligations. As a divorcee, there isn’t anyone to nag you….well, except may be your mother. But seriously… the bottom line is that you are free to be you and more after a divorce.

Our society makes us believe that a divorce should be the first option to consider when things are going bad in your marriage. A divorce does not necessarily have to be the only choice that you have to settle marital issues. If you are having problems with your spouse try and go for counseling sessions before considering a divorce.

A divorce creates a lot of chaos in the lives of the people involved. To ensure that you walk out of a divorce process with your heart intact, compromise and avoiding playing nasty tricks.

What You Should Know About Divorce Law

Divorce Lawyer — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:37:06 +0000

With the divorce rate at an all time high, it is important to have a full understanding of divorce laws. Nearly 50% of all marriages will end in a divorce. Therefore, it is vital that you know the ins and outs of the laws. Divorce laws do vary from state to state so it is important that you check with the laws for your particular state. However, there are some general laws that apply across the board.

If you are looking for an alternative to the more traditional litigation, divorce mediation might be an option. A mediator’s main priority is to try and help the two parties come to a mutual agreement. The neutral third party is there to ensure that both parties are getting a fair deal. A mediator can work with the spouses to work through problems such as child support, custody, visitation, property division, alimony and much more.

Another alternative to the more traditional litigation is collaborative law. For those divorcing couples who wish to avoid litigation but require strong legal representation, they should consider collaborative law. Collaborative law gives you the ability to retain a team of divorce professionals.

Some people believe that one party will receive a majority of the property division. However, it is more likely that the marital assets will be divided fairly evenly for both parties. Therefore, it is vital that both parties create some clear priorities and decide what is really important to them.

Health insurance and taxation are two other important issues when considering a divorce. If your insurance coverage is through your soon to be ex-spouses employer, then it will be important that you continue to have coverage for yourself and any children involved. This can all be worked out through legal litigation. With regards to taxes it is important to determine what dependency exemptions both parties are eligible for.

There are a variety of divorce laws that are set in place for divorcing couples. Divorce is not an easy situation for anyone. However, by knowing and understanding the divorce laws in your particular state, you can ease some of the headache associated with divorce.