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Divorce is devastating to those involved. For every divorcing person, the future is nothing but uncertainty, anxiety and confusion. Such an emotional state is harmful. It is necessary for family and friend to work together to offer positive survival support. However, many person do not know how to offer help, even worse, their offers seem to be more of a hindrance than a help. Below are some tips on helping persons going through a divorce.



Listen to their emotional needs. Before offering help, you should first know how they feel after divorce. If they need someone to chat, they will tell you. If they are unwilling to tell, do not force them. It may go a long way emotionally for those divorced. When needed, you can listen quietly to their emotional need, and then offer your support.



Help them restore self-esteem. Probably the most common destructive effect of any failed marriage is the loss of self-esteem and self-confidence. If one spouse walks out, for whatever reason, the abandoned partner can not help but feel terrible about him or herself. They may repeatedly ask themselves: what did I do wrong? What is wrong with me as a man or woman? Am I being singled out and punished for something I have done wrong? You can not stop them feeling bad about this terrible situation. However, you can help them separate the feeling bad about the divorce and feeling bad about themselves. You can assure them that they are still excellent and tell them there is nothing “wrong” with either person in a divorce. They were both just part of a bad situation that did not work.



Help the person to accept reality. Many people facing the possibility of a divorce doesn’t want to face certain realities. They are unwilling to accept the fact that a marriage is over. Facing any kind of failure is the last thing any of us wants to do. When you offer help, you must be very carefully not to impose on them. Somehow you have to figure out how to help the person prepare for some practical realities, such as moving, getting a different job, straightening out finances, not distancing good friends, etc., without discounting their natural denial as to the inevitable.



A divorce experience is highly likely to result in a person building a wall of disparity and self-protection to hide behind with a sense of hopelessness. It is natural for them to have self-defense reaction, but wall-building is not healthy or helpful. When offer support, you should make efforts to let them know there is hope for happiness and another happy marriage. This might be the perfect time to encourage the person to move, go back to school or change jobs to get some new scenery.



Listen to them, build self-esteem, don’t impose your realities, encourage hope and help the person to gradually move forward. Follow these five tips and you will be doing your best to help the divorcing person survive the potentially destructive aspects of the experience.