With the rising rate of divorce in the world we start asking a lot of questions about marriage. Why did people stay together more in previous years unlike now? Did our parents and grandparents and know something the current generation is lacking or is it a social phenomenon we cannot truly control in a world that is changing so fast it is hard to keep our relationships working as they should? While these questions are endlessly debated the truth is marriage can be hard work and I do not think that has ever not been the case. For those that want to defy the statistics and stop a divorce that may be coming here are 3 tips to save a marriage that many people may think is counter intuitive but they actually work!
1. Do not Reassure

Do you constantly find yourself saying things like “I will change I swear!” or “It will all be ok, it will ok!”. Do you think these throw away lines are actually going to change their mind? If you say you are going to change but have not changed in the course of your marriage will they believe you even if it is what you think they want to hear? You intentions may be completely pure and honest but if you are at the stage where divorce is on the horizon times are so desperate you need to realize that actions speak louder than words and that your spouse is probably not receptive to much that you say. Last minute platitudes sound weak when your partner is looking for strength. So resist the urge to say something or make promises and instead just do the things you need to without paying lip service to them.
2. Avoid emotional blackmail

While this may sound like common sense so many couples both indulge is trying to make the other feel bad by manipulating emotions in a hope it will shock them out of their way of thinking or just out of petty vengeance. If you want to save your marriage you need to disengage from emotional battle which simply does not work. Probing at soft raw emotional areas such as children and of your love when couples are hostile defiantly gets a reaction but they are usually resentful that you take such a tactic and will end up pushing them away more. One big change in thinking is that you should not say “I love you”, these are powerful words in any language but when both you and your partners emotions are in such a whirl it can be misconstrued and is better left for a time when things can be mended and those words can be said with a clear head and a clear heart and can be taken the right way.
3. Do not argue

This is the big one that most people have serious problems with. Arguments are common when divorce is on the way and the need to defend yourself when verbally attacked while you are angry and distraught is very high. Talking back and launching counter attacks are not going to save your marriage even if you think you are right or your partner is badly misinformed about something arguing leads to more arguing and builds barriers between couples that eventually become insurmountable and a divorce is certain. The answer is simple but can be very painful for a while; Do not argue! Do not talk back, do not try to fix it and do not raise hostility levels. But how do you fix a problem without fixing it? By stopping the endless cycle of arguments and lowering hostility levels. If you do not defend yourself you will find your partner will not attack you, it is hard to shoot at an unarmed person especially one that you love and very often they start defending you! The bottom line is if you feel you have to win they will feel like they cannot lose and it never ends except in divorce. So lay your ego aside and let love come back into the relationship on a clean slate.

I hope you can use these tips to save a marriage to get back the love and connection you once had and avoid a messy and agonizing divorce. Everyone has a chance to save themselves from being another sad statistic as long as we know what really needs to be done in a relationship for the long term.
