We all begin the divorce process convinced that everything is the other spouse’s fault. All of the pain is a direct result of their bad behavior. Your ex is acting in complete disregard for your feelings. If your ex would only behave the divorce would go more smoothly. That you might have a part in this mess doesn’t even occur to you. No, your spouse is to blame. He is one who cheated, lied, and betrayed you. How could you be responsible?

But when the dust settles you may start asking yourself some difficult questions. Was it really all your ex’s fault? Was there anything you might have done or not done that could have contributed to this divorce?

This is where it gets tough. No one likes to think that they were responsible in any way for the failure of their marriage. It just has to be your ex’s fault. Don’t you have that long list of sins? 

How could anyone draw a different conclusion?

Chances are that in most ways you are right, and your ex is wrong. Some of his actions might seem unforgivable. So, after all of the stress, heartache, and pain, why bother to accept any blame?
If you look inward instead of outward, you will be able to take control. With this power you will emerge from your divorce with greater insight, and valuable lessons for any future relationship.

Only a victim looks at an ex-spouse and says: “Because of you I do not trust anyone. Because of you my life is empty. Because of you I am in pain.” In doing that, the victim gives her ex-husband a controlling power over her behavior. You are making your ex responsible for your life. In saying: 

“It’s not my fault,” you are holding yourself back from the hard work of recovery. The longer you harbor this victim mentality, the longer you will deny yourself a chance at the life you deserve to live.

Don’t hide from yourself. Dig deep into the memory of your past actions. Look at them, learn from them, and let them go. Forgive yourself. Until you do that you won’t find forgiveness for anyone. Once you do it you might be pleasantly surprised that the anger you feel for your spouse is diminishing.

The willingness to let go of the past, and truly move on to a better place, is the key to peace and happiness.

At some time or another, a lot of married people find themselves thinking about divorce. During these times they are usually at a very low point in their relationship where they feel frustrated, angry… In most cases, these thoughts of divorce are transient and typically disappear once the issues causing the stress and conflict reside.


But it is when thinking about divorce becomes a recurrent or ongoing preoccupation, that the viability of a relationship needs some serious consideration. It is when being in the relationship becomes a burden with little or no apparent benefits that it becomes very clear that there is little reason to keep it going.


At times like this, people are challenged to consider options – whether to stay married or to divorce. The decision to stay in a marriage is a personal one. No one can make that decision, but you. What may be intolerable for one person may be reasonably okay for the next. In the end, each person will have his or her own reasons for staying or leaving a marriage based on their own needs and circumstances.


There is a lot at stake in making the decision to stay married or divorce. Rarely, do people wake up one morning and impulsively decide they have had enough. Generally speaking, the decision to end a marriage is a very difficult and painful one to make. Even though divorce rates are at an all time high, society in general, still values being married. As such, the decision to divorce does not come easily. Aside from consideration such as children, money and assets, letting go of hopes and dreams can be extremely difficult.


In assessing your future and whether or not to stay married, it is best to take your time and avail yourself of marriage and divorce resources to help you in this important process.